Hugo has a blog!?!

OMG! My hubby just sent me this link today to inform me that Jorge Garcia (from LOST) has a blog that I did not know about. Just had to share! Its funny.

Home Alone

So I've been all by my lonesome these past two nights. Jeff is out of town in Iowa, and my sister has been visiting old friends in Charlotte, NC with her bf. So I thought I would be super bored and lonely all weekend, but such is not the case. I've had a great time chillin' with friends and with my doggies...

Wanna hear about it?
Yesterday when my dog Sammie came in from being outside in the morning his forehead was covered in bird-poo. That was a nice wake up... so he promptly got a bath. Then, I ate at the wonderful Tea Bar and Bites with some friends, cleaned the house, worked out, did laundry, and went over to my friend's house- Kesha- to bake some delicious cupcakes Martha Stewart Style (click the link for the recipe). We delivered some to various friends last night, but I ended up with all the leftovers. I have about 15 at my house right now and I'm lucky I've only gobbled down two.

Today I woke up late and took my doggies on a four-mile walk down the Ozarks Greenways Trail. It was cold out, but very nice and sunny. Now I am drinking a chai latte and procrastinating writing an essay for a midterm due Tuesday.

Anyway, its been a good weekend. Next weekend though-- oh man-- its VACATION TIME! I cannot wait people! True false Film Fest and then off to Washington DC to see some great historical stuff AND visit the Swinks. I may not be able to make it through the week!

Obsession

Ok, so I HAVE to stop reading LOST fansites. I have always secretly snickered at people who are obsessed with fantasy films or games or whatever-- like Star Wars or Star Trek or play zombie games (hint hint: Mike Dockery)-- but I cannot stop reading LOST articles online. I am turning into THAT girl.

Oh, and if you're one of me, you may like this post by a girl who is more obsessed than I am.

"Meh."

"Meh." is the way I would describe how I feel about everything except coffee right now. Its simply too cold and too dreary outside to feel much more than that.
Meh.1. Indifference; to be used when someone simply does not care. 2.The verbal equivalent of a shrug of the shoulders. 3. A random word when people either don't know what to say, don't care, can't answer a question or are too drunk to form a coherent english phrase (not me, but funny).
meh. whatever. bleh. blah. bah. no. me. eh. mehh. shrug. apathy. lol. yes. indifference. boring. maybe. random feh. bored. mer. noob. don't care. beh. pwned. meeh. wtf. dunno. muh. whatev. meep. alright. what. cool. ugh. indifferent. okay. boredom. mah. nah. hem. gah. lazy. idiot. emo. grr. mediocre. ok.
(From Urban Dictionary)

Everything's not lost

This post might not make a lot of sense to some; to others, it might.

Somehow this Coldplay song is giving me a lot of hope right now. Its odd, but true. I have a huge smile on my face listening to it.

When I counted up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away

So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost

When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody's out to get you
Don't you let it drag you down

'Cos if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost

If you ever feel neglected
If you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost

Singing out
Oh, oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Oh, oh, yeah
Everything's not lost

I took the first step...

So today I went running for the first time in four and a half months b/c I called my doc and he cleared me to go for it. I've been bumming about my post-surgery in-the-middle-of craziness weight gain while all of my friends are their most svelte selves. So, I've decided to try and lose 5 pounds by Christmas. I'm not one to diet, or really care THAT much, but something's gotta give. Especially since I found out today that I cannot wear 1/2 of my wardrobe to work anymore... but that's a different story not to be shared on the Internet...

So, I went running-- back to that-- it was awful! Good god I know why people who don't run hate it. It was so hard. By about 1/2 a mile my left calf muscle turned into a 5 pound ball and my feet went to lead. I'm serious, I must have looked like I was trying to hobble-run (a new trend I'm starting) down Dollison street between Seminole and Cherokee. Around a mile into it I gave in and stopped. I ran a few more times after that, only to stop 50 feet later, then start up again, etc. Geeze. On top of it all I usually get sore the day AFTER a tough workout, but I have been sore all night.

The rest of my day was pretty crummy. Lots of embarrassing events one right after another. I am being humbled each day by my lack of ability to keep up with myself. I sorta want to stare up into heaven and say to God, "OK, OK! I'm done with growing! Put me back to my I-can-handle-everything-myself-thank-you self!"

Oh, but I won't give up. Tomorrow is a new day (VOTING DAY!) and I have five pounds to lose...

Give a little love

Here is my heart to share tonight-- but I have to preface it a bit for understanding. I have this group counseling class that I have been going to this semester where we actually have group counseling in our class. Its been really powerful for me because I've used it as an opportunity to get some counseling. I have bumbled around a lot in it-- been pretty vulnerable and have put myself out there in a way that might be "too much"... but here is what I thought after tonight's session:

I am not so much going to title each section—what I am learning about myself, others, and about groups—but try to touch on each one throughout this reflection. I need the limitlessness of that in this moment, I believe. I hope that is ok. Tonight’s class (Yes, I was so moved by this group that I am writing as soon as I get home…) was good for me. I’ve really appreciated this group in my life right now as an outlet for me to share all the junk that rolls around in my head each week. I might only share part of it, sections really as I feel like I might explode with everything that lies in there if I don’t limit myself a bit, but I am learning so much from those sections I do share and am learning even more from others’ reactions, my reactions’ to their reactions, and others’ sharing of themselves too.
I have this need to know and be known. It’s like this driving force inside of me that won’t let me stop at simple pleasantries with others. I want to get behind people’s eyes, I want to connect with them, and I want them to connect with me, too. I think that is why I was so angry tonight with (no name here) for saying he didn’t really need to get into his feelings with others. I find it so hard to understand. I know, I know—I am differently wired than a lot of people in this area—I guess what I am trying to say is that I know I need to understand this about other people better; my response in anger is only because I want to feel validated in my own need to have others understand me. I am afraid of what it might say about me if others can control themselves to protect and choose when to open when all I want is to burst out with who I really am and get to the heart of all things (maybe too quickly). To me, life is just too short. I don’t want to go through this life not ever affecting anyone or letting others affect me—or protecting myself so much that I don’t feel anything. I want to feel everything.
God is really moving in me. This doesn’t have a ton to do with group—but it is on my heart at the moment so I am sharing. He really is. I don’t have any idea how or why or what—I just know he is doing something inside of me. This weekend my husband and I talked a lot about how we are seeing him move in our hearts and how we have no idea how to follow him or what we’re doing, but we both know for sure that giving up control to him is more important than anything that we try to do to connect with him.
I guess that is sort of like where I am at in this process with group. I see that we’re at an impasse of really opening up to each other—to really confronting ourselves and who we are—and I can’t wait to see how it plays out. If I give up this need to control and push us to the next point it will all play out so beautifully and I’ll feel better about my part in it all instead of guilt over “talking too much” or whatever. (I think talking is my own way of protecting maybe--interesting thought.) Letting go—feeling it all, letting God take the reigns—is so important to what I need right now.

These lyrics in a song by Noah and the Whale I am listening to really touched me tonight. Makes me think of what God is saying to me:
Well if you are (what you love)
And you do (what you love)
I will always be the sun and moon to you
And if you share (with your heart)
Yeah, you give (with your heart)
What you share with the world is what it keeps of you

smile like you mean it

I love the coffee ethic. I really really really love it. I can come downtown to hang out by myself on a Friday night to do homework and still feel cool while I am here. The title of this post is only because it is the song I am listening to at the moment while I am sitting here (procrastinating doing more homework).
So, there really hasn't been much to report lately. I started back to work this week and have been BUSY again. I now remember why I was so miserable before I hurt my back-- I live a busy life! Geeze.
OKay now they are playing my favorite Radiohead song-- can it get any better?!?
While I have been here I got to run into two people I only sort of know that I wish I knew better-- Trevor and Abby. They use to live next to a friend of mine and then moved away. Now they have a new little baby and I'm sure don't have time to hang out, but they seem like people Jeff and I should be friends with and Jeff and I need friends. At some point tonight Jeff looked at me and said "Oh Mitchy, what are we going to do about getting friends?" All of his have moved away (except Mr. Jenkins who is infinitely busy). Know of anyone we can be friends with?
I am sitting next to my bestest friend Miss Winnie, btw. I love her. She is dating someone now. Super excited.
What else?

not cool

Oh boy. Its 2am and I am feeling so uncool right now. Its been hard to be motivated recently after all the badness with the back situation. Once I moved on from that I got right back into school and my new internship at Pleasant View Middle School--- I just forget that creative michelle that likes to go and take over things-- do something new and fun and impressive. Not sure any of it was that impressive. Anyway, I've been up for the past hour reading blogs of others in this town who are infinitely more talented, cute, and motivated than I and am feeling a bit down on the old self. I don't even know why I bother to write when I've abandoned this thing so no one will possibly read, but I just want to say-- at least tomorrow-- I am going to be motivated, world. I am going to get up out of my bed and do something positive with myself other than clean my house. K? K.

le sigh

oh dear, things are not looking so bright today. The weather is beautiful, which reminds me of Colorado-- fairly warm with no humidity-- which reminds me that Jeff is headed there next week and I was supposed to go with him on my only vacation for the year but I have to stay here, in my boring bed with all this pain...
I have a checkup with my specialist doc on Monday. Its looking like I'm going to need surgery. I'm just not getting much better... I mean, I still cannot function without being on the full dosage of pain meds and muscle relaxers, and when I get up I still can only go a few minutes. Sigh.
I might not be able to enroll in classes for the fall either. I have a little less than three weeks until they start. I just have no idea how things are going to go, and I'm starting to get very anxious about, especially with all the money we're loosing from me being out of work.
Needless to say I'm a bit depressed today. I think I might go outside and lie on the concrete and pray. Get some vitamin d and try to trust that God has a plan.

white people

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/full-list-of-stuff-white-people-like/

If you haven't been to the above website and laughed at your white self lately, you should. Its hilarious.

I went to Lawrence, KS this weekend for my sister-in-law's wedding and can't tell you how many things off this list I took part in. Indie Music, Whole Foods, recycling...